Flight Stories

Brian and I are regulars on the planes of Southwest Airlines. By planes I meant jets. I didn't want anyone thinking that Southwest Airlines has some rolling fields somewhere that we like to hang out on. Anyway, we pretty much fly with them whenever we can. The planes all fit Brian's guitar in the overhead, they are usually cheaper (especially since they don't charge for bags), and we have a companion pass through their rewards program (one of us flies free). Those reasons combined with the fact that their commercials make us chuckle makes them our favorite.

Tomorrow we are flying in to Atlanta and unfortunately since Southwest didn't buy Airtran fast enough, we have to take another airline. We always seem to run into unique experiences when flying different airlines, especially when we fly with tomorrow's airline. I won't tell you their name for legal purposes, so let's call them the 4th letter of the Greek alphabet.

One time we were flying to LA and I was seated next to a rather large gentleman who was in The Hell's Angels. I don't know that for a fact, but he had the word "Hate" tattooed across his fingers, and he was reading a book called "Angels of Hell." I shouldn't judge though, for all I know he could've been a Shriner. Anyway, he fell asleep next to me, and they announced that the in-flight film would be, Flicka, the touching tale of a girl and her horse. When it came on I was so tempted to wake the guy and say, "Hey man! Flicka's on!" I had to weigh whether I wanted a cool story to tell or keep all of my teeth in place. Needless to say he slept peacefully and I enjoyed Flicka.

I normally carry our CD's on to the plane in a tomato box. Usually, I get stares and the occasional, "Are there tomatoes in there?" One day we were getting on the plane, and the flight attendant (fancy term for stewardess), said, "What's in that box?" I responded that it was CDs, and she in turn asked if it would fit in the overhead. I assured her that the box would fit and in fact was smaller than most suitcases they allow on. At this point, I thought we were having a lighthearted exchange, but then she got serious.

"It's not a suitcase though."

I said, "No, but it fits."

She responded again, "It's not a suitcase."

Brian said, "But they both carry things, right?"

Once again, "They're not the same. It's not a suitcase."

At this point, I couldn't contain myself. I said, "Ma'am if it will make you feel better, I could put a handle on it." It ended with her telling me not to get smart. It was kind of ironic. It started with her getting frustrated because she assumed I wasn't smart enough to understand the difference between a tomato box and a suitcase. Then it ended with her not wanting me to be smart. I'm not sure what level of intelligence I was supposed to have on that particular flight, so I just spent the time reading Sky Mall and commenting on how cool it would be to have a head massager.

Hopefully, this weekend, I'll be reporting on our event, and not the flight. Odds are though, you'll hear something about the flight.

Dave