Merry Christmas. I Got You Some Jokes.

Hey Everyone,

Hope you have a Merry Christmas. Here are a bunch of jokes that I wrote this year that we don't really use in the act, but I think are really funny. A lot of them were on Outlaw Comedy's fan page (I write on there). If you aren't friends with them check it out. They put on college shows.

If you like a joke, feel free to post it on your status or Twitter and put (DaveAndBrian.com) next to it. That'd kind of be like a gift to us. Free promotion. Without further ado. Jokes:

-Pinata's at my birthday parties were always a little different, because my Dad was a taxidermist.

-I had a dream that the Polar Ice Caps totally melt, just as we discover they were the main cause of Acne. Not only do we lose Rhode Island due to flooding, but we also lose the need for ProActive.

-The guy who invented the pickle is awesome. He looked at the cucumber and said, "We can do better then this!"

-The pen is mightier then the sword, unless the sword is dipped in ink. Sure it''s hard to kill someone with a pen, but it's probably equally as hard to write with a sword.

-My dad was a dermatologist, so he always told me that it's what's on the outside that counts.

-If Al-Qaeda had training grounds in South Dakota, would we ever know?

-I don't understand amateur cyclists wearing the full spandex outfit. You may say it's for comfort, but those of us who see it are uncomfortable. I like to play laser tag, but I don't dress like Luke Skywalker to do it.

-I dreamt of a world where we discovered the most environmentally friendly form of energy: Penguin Tears. Unfortunately it is found to be counterproductive because the only thing that makes penguins cry is the burning of fossil fuels.

-Kenny G can hold his breath for about 3 minutes. Just something you should know if you ever want to drown him.

-I'm afraid of commitment. For instance, I don't like ice, but I love really really cold water.

-A picture is worth 1000 words, unless it's a picture of 999 words.

-Without a hat, the man in the yellow hat on "Curious George," is just a man.

-I had a dream that there was no more disease, because everyone sneezed properly into their arms. Unfortunately, there was no more arm wrestling, for fear of spreading disease.

-Nobody writes rock ballads like Bon Jovi used to. Not even Bon Jovi.

-I was very disappointed in "Ironman." When I 1st heard about it I was like, "Sweet! Finally, a superhero who fights anemia."

-I wish that Phil Collins, Michael Bolton, and Rod Stewart would get together and open the Soft Rock Cafe.

-My mom wanted me to study Engineering in college, but I never liked trains.

-My grandpa always called competitors in races, "racists." Either he didn't understand the meaning of the word, or he was watching some really weird races.

-I could never be a nudist. I like wearing socks too much.

-I see moms walking their kids around the mall on leashes. Yesterday I was in Petsmart and saw strollers for dogs. No joke there, just social commentary.

-I always wanted to be a horse. Then one day I broke my leg, and realized it might not be the best thing.

-Where can I go to see if "Consumer Reports" is the best magazine for what it does?

-What's worse: The guy who 1st used the phrase, "There's more then one way to skin a cat," was probably speaking from experience, or the fact that we choose to quote him?

-Anyone want to form a band called "Brass Tacks," so people can get down to us?

- I had a dream the Justin Bieber and Dakota Fanning marry. They then conceive a child who will be the closest thing to a superhuman that we will ever know.

-I learned valuable lessons from childhood games. For instance, you can smack ducks on the head all you want and they'll just sit there. Do it to a goose, and it will chase you.

- I have horrible office skills. I ironically fail at Excel.

-Some things aren't as fun as they sound. Like, "puppy mills."

-I'd love to be the artist who does those Rorschach tests, because you don't even need to know what your painting. "Hey, what you painting there?"

"You tell me."

-Dave

Fantasy 2010

If you were to go back in time and tell my younger self that I'd be involved in a group of men who meet online to participate in a fantasy about football players, I hope you bring a good explanation and a picture of my wife, just to alleviate any paranoia I would harbor. I am addicted to Fantasy Football and have been playing for about 6 years now. I can admit it though, so I don't think it's a problem.

For those of you who don't know what Fantasy Football is, it's where you take real players and put them on a team. Their stats in real life add up to points for your fantasy team. Fantasy Football is a lot like Weight Watchers in that it's all in keeping track of the points.

I am in a league with my roommate from college and a bunch of other guys who have connections to Syracuse University. There are 16 teams in the league and after a 13 week regular season, I went undefeated. I just won the 1st playoff game last week, which now brings my record to 14-0. If I can win, and be totally undefeated, I will have to pop the cap on a bottle of Coke Zero and do so every year from here on out after the last undefeated team loses.

Some of you may be thinking, "Wow, Dave! You must've put a lot of effort into this. What do you win?" Well, if I win, I get a T-Shirt and the respect of 15 other guys who have connections to Syracuse University. If I lose, I live with the shame of going meaninglessly undefeated during the regular season without winning the big game. It'll be just another item to add to my list of things that make me feel like Tom Brady, right along with having stylish hair and a really hot wife.

Dave

China Buffet

China Buffet

1612 North Locust Ave.

Lawrenceburg, TN

So a few months ago, Brian and I drove from the Nashville Airport to northern Alabama for a show. We were pretty hungry and decided to get something to eat on the road. Unfortunately there aren't too many booming cities on that drive, but then we stumbled upon Lawrenceburg, TN. They had a few chains to choose from, but of course, our eyes and hearts were drawn towards a Chinese Buffet.

When we walked in we seemed to draw the attention of everyone in the restaurant. It was either our dashing good looks, our lack of NASCAR apparel, or the fact that our shirts had sleeves. Needless to say we stuck out.

The food was delightful, but there were a few other things that stuck out. For instance, they had a Mongolian Grill where you can put together your All Star Chinese food plate and they will fire it up for you. The difference with this one is there was a young latino man at the helm and the sauces you could add were all Tabasco and other hot sauces. No Teriyaki sauce, Duck sauce, or even spicy mustard packets. I'm all for equal opportunity, but as I look back I don't think there were any Chinese people working at this restaurant. I think one waitress might have been Russian, which technically makes her Asian I guess.

All and all, it was one of our more unique Chinese Buffet experiences. As always we recommend the General Tso's. While we were eating a girl at the table next to us struck up conversation with me. We were wondering if she was trying to distract us or something, but when we left we both had our wallets, except Brian was missing a lock of hair. I'm sure it was just coincidental though.

As we finish here, I'd like to point out that I haven't written in a while, but am looking to write more regularly. Probably less about Chinese Buffets, but my musings none the less. I notice that we have been getting a lot of comments posted in Chinese on our past blogs, and we appreciate the feedback. Someone asked if I think that it's some sort of Chinese Spamming. I hope not, because I got one of the posts tatooed on my lower back.

Dave

Web Crazy

Hey Everyone,

So in the last week and a half, we have been in Kansas City, Alabama, Maryland, and Phoenix. All of them great shows. Last week we released our 1st music video for our song, "The Dork Anthem." As of now it has close to 32,000 views on Youtube.

The video has caused a little bit of a stir on blogs which is amusing to watch. People are arguing the definition of the term "Dork." Some feel it's the anatomical term for different animals. This is a tough one to get on board with since I heard this in 5th grade and we can't seem to agree on the animal.

Also, apparently, Geek and Nerd are fine but Dork is somehow more derogatory because it suggests a social awkwardness or something. Personally, I was consistently called all 3 things from 6-11th grade and no one seemed to differentiate. It sucked to be called all of them.

Change the word Dork to Nerd or Geek in the song and people would be having the same arguments, yet the point of the song does not change. It's too bad because they are missing the point. It's meant to be a fun song that hopefully encourages people not to care about labels.

Enjoy the video and pass it along to your friends!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rbs-gBEgIrs

New Video!!!!!

Hey loyal blog fans!

We are proud to announce that this Wednesday, February 24th, we will be releasing our first music video. It's for our song "The Dork Anthem," and it will be on YouTube. We will have a link on this blog, on Facebook, and Twitter. We gave a sneak peek to the Encounter Youth Conference yesterday, and got a great response. We put a lot of work into this video and it has come out awesome. A special thanks to our production team at FocalPoint Cinematic (www.focalpointcinematic.com). We think you will all be really entertained by it.

You can help us get this video out by passing it on to your friends via pasting on Facebook or Twitter, sending out the link in emails, or putting it on a disc and mailing through thePony Express. We are not closed off to any modes of distribution.

We had some great shows this weekend. First we were out in Kansas City with an Open Bible Church Youth Conference. There were 900 teens there and we had a blast. Then we headed out and flew to Alabama for The Encounter Youth Conference. This was an awesome event. We had been there 2 years ago, so we already had some fans who were ready to rock. We got to hang out with the boys from Lost and Found (www.speedwood.com). These are the nicest dudes in the world and very entertaining. Check them out and listen to their sweet jams.

Brian took some video to document our life on the road for you guys. That will be coming soon. Also, the next blog will be a Chinese Buffet Review. . .FINALLY!

Dave

One Day

One day I will be consistent with posting blogs. It may be soon, it may be when I grow up, it may even be when the Angels win the Pennant. I don't know, until then just stay tuned.

Brian and I have not been doing much traveling lately. Brian's wife is due any day now and he would really appreciate if you contact him everyday asking if there is any news.

This time off has given us time to work on some new material, work on booking shows, and pay attention to current news. I haven't commented on the Leno/Conan thing, because no one cares about my opinion and also it's not an important event. I think it would be awesome for Leno's first guest to be Brett Favre and they can talk about retirement. I do think that Conan was very classy in the last episode and hope he can come back with a new show.

Dave and Brian are putting on a benefit show for New Missions (www.newmissions.com) on February 14th. New Missions is very involved with Haiti and lost some schools and churches in the earthquake. The show will be at Addisville Reformed Church in Richboro, PA at 7 PM and there will be childcare provided. It's a free, but an offering will be taken. The show will include the comedy of Dave and Brian, Scott Muilenburg, and Dan Kulp. There will be more info to come. Come on out for a great night of comedy and a great cause!

Dave

2010

So it is the dawn of a new Decade. I have heard a lot of people argue whether 2010 is part of the last decade or the beginning of the new one. Seriously? Most of the time these are the same people that like to argue whether it's "soda" or "pop" and like to watch "The Princess Bride" on a regular basis. I'm not sure where the argument is. 2010 is the beginning of a new decade. Was 1980 considered part of the 70's? It's pretty simple, but unfortunately the argument will go on all year.

Dave and Brian have a light travel month here in January, but are going to be bouncing around the country February and March. During this month we will be doing the things you do in a slow month: write new material, book more shows, and Brian and his wife will have a baby. If you are interested in booking Dave and Brian for an event contact Kelsey Bufkin at kelsey@daveandbrian.com. We are working on dates for the fall already, so it's never too soon to book.

Keep your eyes open for Dave and Brian's 1st music video. It will be coming in the next month. We need your help to make this huge, so there will be some info in the next few weeks on how you can help.

Dave