Cailifornia of PA Knows How to Party

Hey Everyone,

So a few weeks ago, we had the pleasure of heading out to the University of California of Pennsylvania. It's very similar to the real California, except the temp was -7 and there was ice on the ground. Brian and I were kicking off the comedy series, Funny Freaking Fridays for Student Activities there.

I must say that they had one of the best advertising campaigns I've seen on a campus for a comedy show. They had posters for the event everywhere. My only complaint is that with all of the access we have to photo manipulation technology, they could've at least photoshopped some more hair on my head or create an illusion of abs. Even without that though, they still filled the theater which is even more impressive because classes had been cancelled that day due to snow.

Our contact and host for the event was Ashley, a sophomore communications major. She explained to us how much our song "Hot Pockets" meant to her since they were her only sustenance during the blizzard of 2010. Not sure this is a memory I'd want to relive, but apparently she likes it.

The show went great and the crowd was responsive, but it's what was going on outside the theater that caught our attention. We met some of the Student Activities Board before the show, and a few of them explained that they would not be attending because they had a Dungeons and Dragons game planned for the same time. It's probably the first time that when we sang the line ". . .on Friday night I play D & D. . ." in "The Dork Anthem," that it was literally happening in the next room. Very odd.

Dave

It's Been a While

Hey Everyone,

Wanted to let you know, I didn't fall off of the blogging wagon. Blogging wagons can be purchased at IKEA for $14.99. Get it? It's because IKEA has such weird names for furniture. Wacky. Anyway, the reason I haven't written in a while is because I recently moved, so my time has been dedicated to packing, moving, unpacking, and waiting a week for them to get the Internet to work in my new house.

For those of you stalking me, you're probably saying to yourself, or to a small doll of me you fashioned out of Tootsie Roll wrappers, "Dave, didn't you just have a baby?" It's true. Let's just say my wife has a weird idea of nesting. We had a baby, and on the same day sold our house. The real estate agent actually came to the hospital so we could sign the papers and we didn't have another house lined up. There's nothing like giving birth to a child and in the same day raising it's chances of being homeless.

Alas, we bought a house a week later and this past week we were able to move in. One of the really cool parts of moving in was when we moved on the day of an Ice Storm. I'd complain, but the movers we hired would probably resent me for it.

So we're all in and getting settled. The kids have adjusted well. My 2 year old has a bigger room, so he's pumped and the 2 month old isn't talking to us, but I blame infancy more then animosity. My dog, August, seems a little ticked, but that's mostly because she's a Jets fan. My wife doesn't want me to put my new address on here, but I'm sure we can fit the 5 of you who read this in the new place. Anyway, I'll be blogging again soon about a recent show Brian and I just did at a college in California. . .Pennsylvania. Go Steelers! (Sorry August and John Lough).

Dave

New Year's Resolution

Hey Everyone,

New Year's Resolution seem to be pretty popular. People vow to lose weight, quit smoking, or stop watching Glee, but something always makes them fall. Darn you Will Schuester!

I have never been one to make resolutions because I know I can't keep them. Actually, last year I tried to make myself feel better by resolving not to keep my resolutions. Unfortunately, by succeeding, I failed.

If you are having a hard time coming up with some resolutions, let me throw some at you that you may have an easy time doing.

-Buy a Dave and Brian CD at DaveAndBrian.com and play it for all of your friends. One of my resolutions is that my kids can eat)

-Start pronouncing the word "creek," "crick." I'm not sure why, but it's something I started doing and find it very satisfying.

-Memorize all the lyrics to Taylor Swift's songs so you can sing along when they come on the radio while alone in the car, but pretend you have no idea who she is when in the company of others (I know we all do this already, but let's shoot for doable things).

-Give boxes of Count Chocula to any teenage girl you may know and tell them it's because you know how much they love that Twilight. This act will make you simultaneously lame to some aspects of society and awesome to others.

-If anyone invites you to participate in Farmville, unfriend them. Seriously. Pick up a phone, and tell them you REALLY don't want to be friends anymore.

Those are just a few things that you can try and maybe they'll work out. If not, don't worry about it. It's already 2011 and according to a recent John Cusack film I saw, the world will be ending soon. I mean "Con Air" was right on so many things.

Dave

2011: The Year of Dave and Brian?

Happy New Year Friends!

So this is the self proclaimed, Year of Dave and Brian. What can this mean? We don't know? Maybe our Dork Anthem Video (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rbs-gBEgIrs) will go viral, maybe Hot Pockets will hear our song and make it their new promo (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QjaSWtL7LY8), or maybe we'll get jobs at Medieval Times where we can shovel horse manure and call people wenches. We understand that this last one can really be done anywhere, but we also understand that it's more acceptable at Medieval Times. No matter what, the sky is the limit.

What we do know is that there will be new material coming your way mixed in with all of the fan favorites. Some people have asked when we will be making a new music video. We are currently working on some ideas, and will keep you updated. The biggest thing is that you apparently need money to make good ones. Where can we get this money? Either more CD sales, or the government can bail us out and you can write a Congressman. We'd tell you to write yours but they're probably busy. Why not write Congressman Earl Pomeroy (http://www.pomeroy.house.gov/), North Dakota's Congressman? He's probably not doing anything.

Keep your eyes open for Dave and Brian in 2011. If you are interested in booking a show, contact Kelsey Bufkin (kelsey@daveandbrian.com) soon. We are already booking dates! See you soon.

Dave

Merry Christmas. I Got You Some Jokes.

Hey Everyone,

Hope you have a Merry Christmas. Here are a bunch of jokes that I wrote this year that we don't really use in the act, but I think are really funny. A lot of them were on Outlaw Comedy's fan page (I write on there). If you aren't friends with them check it out. They put on college shows.

If you like a joke, feel free to post it on your status or Twitter and put (DaveAndBrian.com) next to it. That'd kind of be like a gift to us. Free promotion. Without further ado. Jokes:

-Pinata's at my birthday parties were always a little different, because my Dad was a taxidermist.

-I had a dream that the Polar Ice Caps totally melt, just as we discover they were the main cause of Acne. Not only do we lose Rhode Island due to flooding, but we also lose the need for ProActive.

-The guy who invented the pickle is awesome. He looked at the cucumber and said, "We can do better then this!"

-The pen is mightier then the sword, unless the sword is dipped in ink. Sure it''s hard to kill someone with a pen, but it's probably equally as hard to write with a sword.

-My dad was a dermatologist, so he always told me that it's what's on the outside that counts.

-If Al-Qaeda had training grounds in South Dakota, would we ever know?

-I don't understand amateur cyclists wearing the full spandex outfit. You may say it's for comfort, but those of us who see it are uncomfortable. I like to play laser tag, but I don't dress like Luke Skywalker to do it.

-I dreamt of a world where we discovered the most environmentally friendly form of energy: Penguin Tears. Unfortunately it is found to be counterproductive because the only thing that makes penguins cry is the burning of fossil fuels.

-Kenny G can hold his breath for about 3 minutes. Just something you should know if you ever want to drown him.

-I'm afraid of commitment. For instance, I don't like ice, but I love really really cold water.

-A picture is worth 1000 words, unless it's a picture of 999 words.

-Without a hat, the man in the yellow hat on "Curious George," is just a man.

-I had a dream that there was no more disease, because everyone sneezed properly into their arms. Unfortunately, there was no more arm wrestling, for fear of spreading disease.

-Nobody writes rock ballads like Bon Jovi used to. Not even Bon Jovi.

-I was very disappointed in "Ironman." When I 1st heard about it I was like, "Sweet! Finally, a superhero who fights anemia."

-I wish that Phil Collins, Michael Bolton, and Rod Stewart would get together and open the Soft Rock Cafe.

-My mom wanted me to study Engineering in college, but I never liked trains.

-My grandpa always called competitors in races, "racists." Either he didn't understand the meaning of the word, or he was watching some really weird races.

-I could never be a nudist. I like wearing socks too much.

-I see moms walking their kids around the mall on leashes. Yesterday I was in Petsmart and saw strollers for dogs. No joke there, just social commentary.

-I always wanted to be a horse. Then one day I broke my leg, and realized it might not be the best thing.

-Where can I go to see if "Consumer Reports" is the best magazine for what it does?

-What's worse: The guy who 1st used the phrase, "There's more then one way to skin a cat," was probably speaking from experience, or the fact that we choose to quote him?

-Anyone want to form a band called "Brass Tacks," so people can get down to us?

- I had a dream the Justin Bieber and Dakota Fanning marry. They then conceive a child who will be the closest thing to a superhuman that we will ever know.

-I learned valuable lessons from childhood games. For instance, you can smack ducks on the head all you want and they'll just sit there. Do it to a goose, and it will chase you.

- I have horrible office skills. I ironically fail at Excel.

-Some things aren't as fun as they sound. Like, "puppy mills."

-I'd love to be the artist who does those Rorschach tests, because you don't even need to know what your painting. "Hey, what you painting there?"

"You tell me."

-Dave

Fantasy 2010

If you were to go back in time and tell my younger self that I'd be involved in a group of men who meet online to participate in a fantasy about football players, I hope you bring a good explanation and a picture of my wife, just to alleviate any paranoia I would harbor. I am addicted to Fantasy Football and have been playing for about 6 years now. I can admit it though, so I don't think it's a problem.

For those of you who don't know what Fantasy Football is, it's where you take real players and put them on a team. Their stats in real life add up to points for your fantasy team. Fantasy Football is a lot like Weight Watchers in that it's all in keeping track of the points.

I am in a league with my roommate from college and a bunch of other guys who have connections to Syracuse University. There are 16 teams in the league and after a 13 week regular season, I went undefeated. I just won the 1st playoff game last week, which now brings my record to 14-0. If I can win, and be totally undefeated, I will have to pop the cap on a bottle of Coke Zero and do so every year from here on out after the last undefeated team loses.

Some of you may be thinking, "Wow, Dave! You must've put a lot of effort into this. What do you win?" Well, if I win, I get a T-Shirt and the respect of 15 other guys who have connections to Syracuse University. If I lose, I live with the shame of going meaninglessly undefeated during the regular season without winning the big game. It'll be just another item to add to my list of things that make me feel like Tom Brady, right along with having stylish hair and a really hot wife.

Dave

China Buffet

China Buffet

1612 North Locust Ave.

Lawrenceburg, TN

So a few months ago, Brian and I drove from the Nashville Airport to northern Alabama for a show. We were pretty hungry and decided to get something to eat on the road. Unfortunately there aren't too many booming cities on that drive, but then we stumbled upon Lawrenceburg, TN. They had a few chains to choose from, but of course, our eyes and hearts were drawn towards a Chinese Buffet.

When we walked in we seemed to draw the attention of everyone in the restaurant. It was either our dashing good looks, our lack of NASCAR apparel, or the fact that our shirts had sleeves. Needless to say we stuck out.

The food was delightful, but there were a few other things that stuck out. For instance, they had a Mongolian Grill where you can put together your All Star Chinese food plate and they will fire it up for you. The difference with this one is there was a young latino man at the helm and the sauces you could add were all Tabasco and other hot sauces. No Teriyaki sauce, Duck sauce, or even spicy mustard packets. I'm all for equal opportunity, but as I look back I don't think there were any Chinese people working at this restaurant. I think one waitress might have been Russian, which technically makes her Asian I guess.

All and all, it was one of our more unique Chinese Buffet experiences. As always we recommend the General Tso's. While we were eating a girl at the table next to us struck up conversation with me. We were wondering if she was trying to distract us or something, but when we left we both had our wallets, except Brian was missing a lock of hair. I'm sure it was just coincidental though.

As we finish here, I'd like to point out that I haven't written in a while, but am looking to write more regularly. Probably less about Chinese Buffets, but my musings none the less. I notice that we have been getting a lot of comments posted in Chinese on our past blogs, and we appreciate the feedback. Someone asked if I think that it's some sort of Chinese Spamming. I hope not, because I got one of the posts tatooed on my lower back.

Dave